Vegan Poem

ol’ colonel Sanders & holy McDonald’s,

children addicted to cola-cocaine,

pieces of animals, burning, wriggling,

crowds od followers of the fast food religion

in the waiting line,

accepting killing and eating, looking away,

– my fat is my burden, my fat is my burden –

animals with their damn bad luck being an article,

nominated to be dominated,

honored to be dishonored,

violated.

don’t pretend it’s not happening, don’t look away,

have a courage to meet your meat,

meet your meat, meet your meat…

and then try to eat.

 

– Vyvyan Ost

 

TOP 10 Donald Trump Faces

10. Say “F-F-F-F*ck!” Face

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9. Angry Rugby Coach Face

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7. Snotty Snotty Lady Face

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6. Gotcha! Face

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5. Big Painful Poop Face

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4. “What the hell was that?” Face

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3. Diarrhea Attacked Singer Face

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2. Anus Lip Sync Face

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1. “Look, I am Putin’s helpless puppet” Face

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All Town’s Boys & Girls

All town’s boys & girls are sitting by the lake, pretending that the lake is a sea. Steve is a pirate, Martha is a fish.

“She is no ordinary fish, Steve, she is a mermaid, you silly, dummy, dumb dumb.”

Roger is a fisherman, he wants to catch Martha, but Martha resists because she knows that Chloe, who is damn fine queen of it all, is in love with him.

“She loves you, Roger, you silly, dummy, dumb dumb. You’re just trying to catch the wrong sea creature.”

Aaron is drunk like a cannon, Joy is happiness and the rest is just water between them. They are the happiest of all children, both of them are just sitting quietly on the shore, enjoying the beauty of the sea.

“I am drunk, Joy,” says Aaron.

“Why’s that?” Joy asks. “What did you drink?”

“I dunno, maybe I was drinking too much waves… with my eyes.”

“The waves… beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are.”

“And what do you see in them?” Joy asks and smiles facing the sunset.

“You. I see you in them, you silly, dummy, dumb dumb.”

They kiss like two kids usually do when they discover the right beating of their hearts. And hundreds of ants start rolling in their bellies while Roger is angry with Martha and Chloe is angry both with Roger and Martha. And for those angry kids, the lake is just a lake again. The sea is here just for Aaron and Joy

by Vyvyan Ost

 

 

Pistol Jack’s TV Head

Pistol Jack had a gun in his pocket while he was circling ’round the bank for the last couple of days. He needed money to buy a new life – the kind of life he saw many times on TV:

Celebrities, fast cars, hot chicks, Empire-State-tall glasses full of drinks, Cola-Cocain & neon glows in the center of the city, bourgeois parties, diamond eyes, golden teeth, velvet skin & smelly smelly cigars.

In the end, he really did rob the bank but was shot in the back of his head while he was running away. A picture for TV News: motionless body on dry ground, police sirens, money spilled from the bag, Pistol Jack’s brain spilled from his head, some old lady shocked & in tears, cold gun in the dirt. And – of course – one foolish soul, invisible, flying away.

The Coroner of this town – Steve Coldfriend – said that Pistol Jack was dying slowly anyway – that he had growing TeleVision tumor in his head.

by Vyvyan Ost

 

TOP 10 Albums of 2017

10. Depeche Mode – Spirit

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Spirit is a really good record. Not as balanced as I hoped, yet still pretty good. Some songs are superb, specifically opening Going Backwards with its catchy guitar riff and radio hit-predestined Where’s the Revolution or poisonous Poison Heart. Unfortunately, no every song is as strong as these, but still, this legend’s latest electro-driven creature is a joy to listen if you are a fan of those black-clothed guys. It’s as simple as that.

 

9. LCD Soundsystem – American Dream

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Groovy. LCD Soundsystem’s comeback sounds a little bit like some older Bowie songs… and that – of course – is a compliment. Well… actually it sounds a lot like Bowie in some parts. American dream is energic, with a lot of oldschool electronics and reminds me The Cure as well. Ok, so here we have the album which reminds two big legends… I think there is nothing else to say about its qualities, right?

 

8. Mogwai – Every Country’s Sun

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Mogwai went back to guitars after latest significantly electronic album Atomic. They are still ethereal but with Every Country’s Sun there is again more of rock’n’roll in their sound. These songs have a more distinctive rhythm but they are hypnotic as usual. If you know Mogwai, you’ll know what to expect – it’s just more of the same, to be honest. No experiments, they just do what they are best at and we can not blame them. Simply, if you need another dose of Mogwai – a hypnotic post-rock ride – you you won’t be disappointed. The experience is almost transcendental (especially when listening Don’t Believe th Fife which is Mogwai at its best).

 

7. Linkin Park – One More Light

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I grew up on Hybrid Theory and Meteora but I don’t listen to these albums anymore because… well because these were most of all for angry youth. But with Minutes to Midnight, which is still my most favorite LP, Linkin Park got out of their comfort zone and started experimenting with various genres. No, One More Light is not one of their best albums, but seems to be the most personal one, and because of songs like One More Light, Talking to Myself, Sorry for Now, Good Goodbye and Sharp Edges it simply deserves its spot in this list. Oh, and yes – Chester’s vocals are just amazing, stunning in various shades & colors. Rest in peace, Chester.

 

6. Me and That Man – Songs of Love and Death

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To be honest, I don’t like country. I don’t like it at all. But Adam Darski’s dark country project Me nad That Man is just damn great. Yes, that Adam “Nergal” Darski from Behemoth has made a country album…well sort of. It’s no ordinary country, it’s much more than that. You can feel a good and wise storyteller (like Nick Cave or Tom Waits) in it. The sound is heavy and the melodies are smashing. It’s dark, it’s depressive but if you are in the right mood, it can be a really good companion. Dark, calm and wise companion.

 

5. Cigarettes After Sex – Cigarettes After Sex

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I was looking forward to this one because I just adore Cigarettes After Sex’s first EP, simply called I. Finally, here we have their first long playing self-titled album and it’s exactly what you’d expect – a melancholic pop with blurry sound, calmly vibrant and darkly atmospheric. The whole album maintains its unique feeling from beginning to end and listening to it is just like living through one smoky black & white story. A great music for daydreaming, remembering or just dreaming.

 

4. Nine Inch Nails – Add Violence

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Ok, Add Violence is just an EP but it doesn’t matter because its single Less Than is one of the best things (maybe the best thing) I’ve heard for the whole year… so this album just has to be here. It is more accessible than its predecessor, Not the Actual Events, but it doesn’t mean that it is less distinctive, no, not at all. Can’t wait for the last piece in this soon-to-be EP trilogy.

 

3. Queens of the Stone Age – Villains

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Well, Queens of the Stone Age have released a new album, what else do you need to know? Whatever they are doing, turns into gold. They are still idiosyncratic, crisp, original, powerful with their raw guitar sound and incisive melodies. Listening to them always feels like watching a 70s Grindhouse movie full of hillbilly villains, bottle-demons, roaring american cars and dangerous strippers – and their 7th LP is no exception. Every single song is as cool as the LP’s hella-good cover artwork, again made by Boneface. Lovin’ it!

 

2. Marilyn Manson – Heaven Upside Down

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The God of F*ck is back! His previous album, The Pale Emperor, was an interesting move, an awesome rock album with shades of blues, mostly thanks to the new guitarist (and soundtracks composer) Tyler Bates. In Heaven Upside Down Manson remembered his earlier works, especially Mechanical Animals and Antichrist Superstar, which means more raw and brutal songs (Antichrist) and more electronics and glam-rock tendencies (Mechanical Animals). Anyway, Tyler Bates remains in his place and he is the main figure of this LP because the guitars are just amazing! Oh, and yes, you can still feel The Pale Emperor in some songs – mostly in KILL4ME (my new favorite!), Saturnalia or Threads of Romance. With his tenth album, Manson showed us that he still has a lot to offer although his live performances are no longer what they used to be. On this album every song is a success.

 

1. Lorde – Melodrama

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Lorde… she is the Queen of this year. Her second album is just stunning. Every piece of it. Really. It’s unbelievable how that young girl managed to create such an adult record. Melodrama is deeply emotional, distincitive, layered, rich in motives and catchy. And also very personal. You’ll love Lorde in the position of angry midnight viper (Green Light), heartbreak tamer (Liability) or touching storyteller (Writer in the Dark). The whole album is a party-flavored drama about young loves & losses. And when it reaches the final Perfect Places, which is incredibly energic, you’ll want to experience it all over again.

In Defense of Southland Tales

Peter Greenaway once said that if you want to tell a story, write a book, but do not make a movie. He may wanted to say that just telling the story is a waste of film media, as there are more possibilities to enrich consumer’s life through it. It is a simple fact that the film is a combination of several different artistic directions together, namely literature (script), fine arts and photography (cinematography, film visual, scenery, effects, costumes), music or choreography (dance in musicals, martial arts), etc. In short, the film is a complex piece of art attacking your senses on all fronts… and while watching Southland Tales I was realizing it more than ever before.

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Thanks to this film Richard Kelly can be placed next to Greenaway and David Lynch, whose perception of film media is very similar to Greenaway’s. I would even dare to name Southland Tales Kelly’s Lost Highway. But in his work, Kelly went a bit further and created a sort of monstrous popcultural plaything in which a lot of thoughts and references come together (whether on other films or on the Bible… even on actual political situation in our real world), and which I boldly claim to be the mirror of contemporary film art.

Film Title: Southland Tales

With its genre neutrality it comes close to Asian cinematography – it’s a satire, comedy, drama, a musical movie (with one purely musical number), parable, and much more, and it’s fascinating how it all keeps together… and even it does not seem to make a perfect sense at first, it actually does if you get the job done and read the comic book in which you’ll find first three chapters of this epic Los Angeles drama. Yeah, you are reading correctly, the first part of the story is a comic book also by Richard Kelly. So the film starts with chapter four and can be partially understood even without the knowledge of a comic, but really only partially. You can solve the main story line, but still there will remain plenty of unresolved questions. So if you want a film you can watch only once that will simply entertain you for two and a half hours, you better avoid Southland Tales, but if you are willing to explore the film with every next view and to go after all the details and references, I guarantee you that this film will reward you with complex cinematic experience. And what is it all about? It’s about a lot of things… and some of them are quite important. Just watch it and you’ll see. And maybe you’ll love it as much as I do.

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Sophia’s… choice?

So here we have the first robot with citizenship, folks. Her name is Sophia, and in my opinion she looks a bit like Jennifer Lawrence (is David Hanson, Sophia’s father, a Hunger Games or leaked nude selfies fan?). During her so far short life she already got on the cover of Elle magazine, she was on Jimmy Fallon’s talk show, and she even has her own Instagram, on which she promises that in the future it would be possible to bring back to life famous people like Marilyn Monroe in the form of an identical robots. Okay, I don‘t know if I should be happy about this one (although I’d like to look at the girl in that fine white dress with my own eyes, I mean… who wouldn’t), but on the other hand … if they can bring back to life Charlton Heston and jumble up some of his circuits to make him a nicer guy, then good for us. And what about JFK? Marilyn would be able to sing happy birthday to him again … I’m sure that it would be a major blockbuster on the internet (yeah, even bigger than some backstreetboyish Despacito or drunk President Trump calling Afro-Americans „blacks“).

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I feel that this is the moment when our world is getting really close to all those robotic sci-fi blockbusters which our grandmothers have just recently called exaggerative bullshit. Well… it doesn’t seem like bullshit to me anymore. Just remember Arthur C. Clarke and how he predicted digital mail or video calls in his books. Or how he predicted such a thing that will allow us to comfortably search all possible information from what might be called the “central library” a.k.a googling on the internet. Now, without such things, we can hardly imagine our everyday lives. And in a few decades, maybe in just a few years we may not even be able to imagine our lives without robotic helpmates. Although… helpers. According to the creator‘s presentation, Sophia actually may not be here to help people, at least not in the first stage of her existence. Her current social function is quite clearly – to make it as close as possible to a real person in the public eye (and in the eyes of possible investors because it’s all about the $business$ in the first place).

That’s why Sophia ha her own Instagram and Twitter – just like you and me. That’s why she can manage 62 facial expressions, which is far more than Arnold Schwarzenegger showed us in Jingle All the Way. That’s why she does not have a problem to have a hint on Elon Musk during an interview, who expresses himself critically about the the progress in robotics and predicts dominance of robots over humankind – every one of us, from time to time, gets irritated by disgustingly rich smart-asses with their own space programs, right? And for the same reason Sophia also got on the cover of a fashion magazine dressed in distinctive dress – because perhaps every woman adores fashion and wants to determine new trends. Damn, it has already begun, just look at notorious drag queen Aquaria who has already stylized himself/herself into Sophia’s form:

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And now look at the envelope of Brazilian Elle:

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Do you see how Sophie’s transparent skull beautifully stands out on that pure white background? Do you see how nobody even tried to mask the complicated machinery in her head with some wig? There is a certain amount of nudity in it, don’t you think? More than anything else, it is Sophia’s naked otherness. It’s a perfect calculation – as if Kevin Spacey would show us the right Coming out instead of that impetuous statement to which he was forced by the pressure from charges of sexual harassment of a under-age boy. If it wasn’t for that scandal, Kevin could be TIME Person of the Year, a man who, after so many years, has finally dealt with his orientation and heroically came out with it. However, in this case, only contempt and social exile awaits him, no matter how tremendously talented he is, and instead of him, Sophia can be a personality number one for minorities – a girl with a transparent head who wants to make friends with people so much, but most of the people yet just do not know what to think of her. They may be afraid of her, maybe they will be disgusted, maybe they will despite her, and that’s also something that some of us can identify with.

Sophia’s creators pride themselves on her advanced artificial intelligence, decision-making capabilities following empirical exploration, and a lots of other achievements, the fact is that at the present moment Sophia is fully committed to their far-reaching marketing plans, humbly completes their planned events, and she is certainly not that far with her own personality to put her foot down and say: „Screw Jimmy Fallon, I like Jimmy Kimmel. I want to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s show!“ No way, it’s not about Sophia’s choice yet. And who knows if it ever will be. Gosh, it starts to be a fairly complex topic, quite complicated for a single article…

Anyway, yet we can only guess where the whole thing with the robots will eventually shift. Maybe Sophia will eventually get it so far that after thirty years as the first robot in the world she will accuse her designer that he did/did not make her breasts with nipples – if he did, he would be marked as a pervert, and if not, he will be accused of discrimination of robotic women. Yeah, the world is becoming more and more complicated, and it will only be worse.

Egg Holocaust

Do you know HowToBasic? If you are a YouTube addict and you occasionally go after various how-to videos – such as video tutorials that shows you how to cook a vegan cake, how to put together a birdhouse out of scuffed slippers or how to grow a treble clef-shaped bonsai – there is a huge posssibility that you’ve already encountered some innocent looking video from this channel. Considering how disgustingly many views this video had, you probably said it has to be good, so you gave it a shot. And – Jeez! – how you were surprised…

How to Make a Vegan Cake According to HowToBasic

What the f*ck I just saw?!

Well…yeah, some demented(?) guy is doing an innocent tutorial, shot entirely from his point of view, but roughly in the middle of the video he suddenly loses his shit, smashes everything and mucks the whole place. Once he suddenly stuffs his leg into the toilet full of milk, that he has just threw up out there, another time he starts stuffing plucked chicken with his own fist so vehemently it squelches like two naughty rabbits in oiled porn. He destroys an iPhone in the video which was supposed to show you how to repair such a device, he lits a mattress in the garden, smashes a car in the garage with an axe, comforts a doll by her disfigured plastic face with his finger after taking her out of the oven, where she was cooked because she didn’t want to fall asleep. Or he pulls a tampon from his fictitious vagina which is being followed by about twenty liters of some red plumage running out of his crotch… and right after that by raw eggs, crashing into the floor and breaking. Then he slips on them and begins to roll in all that shit. Actually, he really likes raw eggs in general – they can not be missed in any of his videos. And they always have to be raw to give the best possible effect when he throws them against the wall, on his nasty friends, who are mostly fat and naked, or when he squashes them into really disgusting meals.

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It‘s nothing but a visual gag based on machine-gun editing, exaggerated gestures, unexpectedly aggressive outbursts of the protagonist and on the ubiquitous odor of pervertness, most of which springs from the preparation of disgustingly squelching meals that nobody‘d want to eat. All this is further enhanced by master cook’s constant sniffing and deviant sighing.

It’s all very well done, it’s original and every episode get the desired effect, so the justification for the existence of such a thing is primarily a matter of viewer’s taste. And when we speak about the taste, the numbers speak very clearly – I mean the actual number of HowToBasic channel followers which is pretty close to 10 million for something like that. In fact, HowToBasic is the most watched Australian channel on this platform. That’s pretty impressive, huh? Looks like we are now handling Australia’s modern national treasure – Skippy and Crocodile Dundee can go sliding on their bare asses, reddish with envy. Let’s face it, this man just hit the jackpot… and people will want to imitate him. And they‘ll fail. Just look at howtomakefoodtv channel. Pretty lame, right? Well, when two do the same, it’s not always the same thing. HowToBasic has the advantage over the others that he’s probably a nutcase and he always goes full throttle.

It’s low… low entertainment for sure. But people somehow like it – because it’s tasteless, sick, perverse and aggressive. Perhaps it’s even a work of a mentally disturbed individual. It looks like nowadays you can get rich thanks to anything. Even thanks to egg holocaust shot in POV which must make every vegan cry (because that consumption of eggs is really enormous).

P.S.: This is supposed to be the guy behind the whole thing:

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Through Vomiting and Penises to a More Valuable Art

Okay, honestly, for quite some time the art branch is no longer as exclusive as it was in times of Michelangelo or Frida Kahlo. I think that we all can agree on that. You remember Vincent Van Gogh, who had to be financed by his own brother so that he could get canvases and oil paints for his paintings? These things are now much more affordable, although, of course, Van Gogh is not exactly the best case because he had a pretty large consumption with his super unique style – yeah, that eared boy could control his temper a bit and he didn‘t have to squeeze such a large amount of color out of the tubes at every “snick” on the canvas. Anyway, that’s what he was, he was exceptional. What’s important is that now perhaps every second person can afford a canvas and paint colors. A person can paint a couple of pictures and he can call himself a painter. And when he doesn‘t know how to paint, he comes up with some additional value to make his creation more interesting than it actually is. I mean – just look at that lovely Millie Brown (do not confuse her with Millie „Eleven“ Brown from Stranger Things) – I’m not saying that the girl does not know how to paint, no, but let’s be honest, would she has the same attention if she did not vomit on a canvas? Yeah, exactly, sweet Miss Millie is practicing truly original painting technique – first she drinks a bottle of watery color, then stands above the canvas, puts her fingers in her throat and starts to vomit all over the canvas. Whatever Jackson Pollock runs in his studio with open canisters like a maniac, spilling various colors all over the place, well, he can try as hard as he can, but this Millie Brown’s creative approach is just totally different kind of punk!

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You can say or vomit whatever you want, Millie Brown really can be a good painter, but, in my opinion, she is first of all a damn good businessman. Nowadays, when everybody who has a camera immediately becomes a photographer (especially now, when there is a pretty good camera in almost every cellphone – and what can I say, who doesn’t have a cellphone today?), it is just damn important to differentiate yourself from other eager beavers. You have to stand out. You have to glow. To vomit like a devil.

Millie Brown just figured it out. People just don’t care about simply beautiful paintings. People just don’t care about complicated art either. They are interested in art with a story. „Hey, look, it’s  the painting from that woman who vomits colors!“ People are interested in exotics. They like shocking stuff. Stuff that will make them say „OMG, realy?“ or „No way!“ or „That’s just so sick!“

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And you know who else figured it out? A guy who calls himself Pricasso. What is his superpower? Tim Patch a.k.a. Pricasso once told himself that he will not spend money on brushes and instead he’ll pain with his own sausage. And so here he is – a guy in pink costume who is soaking his nude Wiener Schnitzel in painter’s palette and is painting with it. Damn, that’s the spirit, right?

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Look, it’s not bad, I can recognize people on some of those portraits he made. I’m just asking myself: would that guy be equally famous if he painted with normal brushed? If he didn’t dress like an idiot? I don’t think so. And that’s the point. The market (not only) with art is overwhelmed and requires artists to go in more aggressive and extreme ways to differentiate themselves from the mass in order to receive their desired attention. Let’s face it, art is no longer just about your skills, about being able to do something, to make something. Being the best in something may not be enough anymore. In fact, in some cases you don‘t even have to be average, you just have to be perverse or weird. I’m just thinking that if Van Gogh, Monet or Modigliani would be still alive, they‘ll probably run fast to Elon Musk into SpaceX, begging him to shoot them immediately to Mars.